Sex Techniques and Positions

Sex can be great, but there are lots of little pitfalls to avoid, simple things which can be passion killers for most, if not all, women. Not all these pointers will apply to all relationships, but why not avoid potential problems by seeing if any of them apply to yours?

Much of what we say here is just common sense, and lots of it's light hearted, so don't get wrapped up in worrying about things...just see if any of these sound familiar. You never know, with some simple changes, your sex life might take a turn for the better!

1 Going for her sexual areas (clitoris, vulva, breasts) without arousing her up first

Women take longer to get aroused than men, and often find touch to their genitals or breasts without adequate foreplay to be simply irritating. If you dive straight onto her vulva, clitoris or breasts, because that's what you'd like her to do with your penis, you're probably going to find that while you might get a hand on her bits, you won't be invited back to play again.

2 Not knowing how to kiss sensitively

There are times for passionate sex, and there are times for more romantic sex.

But no matter what kind of sex you're having, most women really appreciate a good kisser - it's such a romantic and intimate act and, done well, it can communicate to a woman exactly how you feel about her. Most women think of kissing as one of the most romantic things there is, and they value a man who knows how to do it well.

So learn how to kiss sensitively, put some feeling into your lips as you do it, and don't just resort to sticking your tongue in her mouth and wiggling it around.

And the position you're using for sex has a bearing on this, as well: kissing just isn't possible in some of the more exotic sex positions - so, if it's romance you're looking for, man on top sex is as good as any.

3 Touching her breasts, clitoris and vulva too hard, too soon

Women appreciate a gentle touch to the clitoris - it's a very sensitive organ, and you can't handle it in the way you want your penis to be touched and expect her to respond by getting aroused - she's more likely to kick you out of bed!

To some extent the same is true of her breasts and vulva - it's best to work up to touching them by kissing and touching around them first. Women become aware of their desire to be touched sexually by being touched on their non-sexual areas first.

So take it slowly, put feeling into what you're doing, and above all treat her clitoris with care. When she gets near to orgasm, a direct touch may well be more acceptable, and indeed may be needed to make her come, but "slowly, slowly" should be your motto when you're enjoying foreplay.

Furthermore, when you've actually got to penetration, don't stop touching her. Even when you're having sex in one of the more impersonal positions - like rear entry, for example - you can run your hands appreciatively over her body. For maximum touching, try sex in the side by side position.

4 Forgetting she has a body beyond her genitals

By which we mean, a body with a lot of skin which you can touch, caress, stroke, massage and kiss.

Women feel sensuous during sex and enjoy skin to skin contact - so if you don't spend time touching her all over, in a variety of ways that please her, you'll miss out on one of the fastest ways to get her aroused. And focus on what you're doing - she'll know if you're thinking about the football game as you stroke her.

Try the more loving sex positions like side by side to see how much you can both enjoy sensual touching during sex.

5 Sucking on her breasts too hard, too soon

Just like a woman's clitoris, her nipples are sensitive and need to be treated with respect at first. A lot of women will tell you that nipple play is very exciting - it sends a direct tingle of sexual excitement to their vagina and clitoris.

But you have to time it right. Teasing her nipples with your lips and tongue, maybe even your teeth, might excite her, but if you do it too soon, it's more likely to make her shriek with pain rather delight. Information on male sexual problems - specifically delayed ejaculation

6 Not taking the time to locate her erogenous zones

The sensitive spots that make her shiver with delight might be behind her knees, in the crook of her elbows, across her belly or on her earlobes, but if you don't find them, she'll assume you're not really interested in her pleasure and probably mark you down as a second rate lover, selfishly concerned only with getting your cock into her vagina as soon as possible.

Even if that last statement's true, you need to take the time to find out what turns her on, and where those deliciously sensitive bits of her body are to be found.

That's the kind of thing that will make her see you as a considerate lover, and that will make her want to please you, which means you'll have a much better time in bed.

This knowledge will come in especially handy if you're trying to go for a mutual orgasm while you make love: you can only get to her clitoris and breasts in certain positions. Once again, making love in the side by sex side position is probably a good way to ensure you can touch her erogenous zones - clitoris and breasts especially - while you make love.

7 Not paying attention to personal hygiene

You may have noticed that men seem to regard dirt of any kind with less distaste than women.

Regardless of why that is, or even whether it's right or wrong, just take note of the fact that if you turn up in bed with your armpits smelling of stale sweat, your foreskin harboring that special aroma, and your feet smelling like a slice of cheese, you're not going to get much further until you've taken a quick trip to the bathroom.

8 Not shaving before sex

There's nothing as unpleasant as a shaving rash - particularly when it comes from someone else's stubble! Show her you care by shaving before sex, unless she's expressed a desire to feel this sign of your manliness.

9 Trying to get into her before she's ready or willing to be entered

One of the great things about sex is that it can vary so much from one occasion to another. This does, however, give you a problem. Sometimes you and she will want to get down to penetration and orgasm as quickly as possible; mostly, though, she'll want things to work up to a climax more slowly.

This means that no matter how eager you are to explore her vagina, you need to exercise some restraint. You need to skillfully judge the moment to enter her, whether with a finger or two, your penis, or indeed anything else, so that you don't go in before she's ready.

By the way, that means before she's mentally and emotionally ready - she may well be wet enough long before she wants anything put inside her vagina. You can judge this with experience by her desire, expressed in verbal or non-verbal form, to be penetrated.

One helpful sign (apart from her begging you to put it inside her!) is a gentle wave like motion of her hips, or a kind of thrusting motion as she raises her vulva towards you..

10 Ejaculating two minutes after you enter her (or, worse, two seconds)

Sure, it can be difficult to control your ejaculation, particularly if you're a young man.

We all know that. But the fact is that sex naturally involves a longish period of thrusting before a woman is fully satisfied. If you're a quick ejaculator, you're likely to have a very unfulfilled woman on your hands.

She wants a long period of vaginal thrusting - unless she's averse to penetration and intercourse - and she wants you to be able to control yourself so you don't come before she's satisfied. Indeed, that's actually how sex should be for men: you should be able to choose when to ejaculate during intercourse.

That's how sex is meant to be. If you're a "two pump chump", then you owe it both yourself and your partner to look at this website:

11 Not giving her cunnilingus or masturbation

When you ask women to name their favorite sexual activity, many of them will say it's oral sex.

Women love the wetness, the warmth of your tongue on their labia and clitoris, the intimacy and the symbolic act of love that it entails. And it feels fantastic!

So if you're not making sure she gets enough "head", you might just be leaving her disgruntled about how sex is going.....and the same is true if you don't masturbate her from time to time. She'll love you doing all these things, and she'll return the favor in kind....

12 Stopping too soon, just as she's getting to the point where she's going to come

Men have a very clear route to orgasm in sex: they get aroused, they thrust, they get more aroused, they thrust harder, they ejaculate. It's that simple.

But it's not like that for women: they can lose their arousal at any stage of sex, and it can slip away without warning.

This makes it harder for men to know just what to do to keep their partner firmly on the road to orgasm - and what makes this worse is that women often get lost in their own sexual arousal, so they forget to tell their partner what they want.

Your partner's silence may be a sign of her sexual pleasure, but it's not unreasonable to expect her to let you know how you're doing - even if that's only through moans of pleasure.

She can communicate with you with single words ("yes", "no", "lighter", "harder", "faster") no matter how aroused she is - and if she wants you to give her the maximum pleasure, then she needs to do this.

What you need to do is keep going with your fingers, tongue, lips, vibrator or penis, and don't stop - especially if she's near her orgasm - keep going at all costs until she tips over into her orgasm!

13 Not respecting the precious moment of penetration

Men don't always appreciate how much penetration means to a woman: it's the ultimate act of trust and love, and when a woman to give her body to a man she makes a great emotional investment and perhaps takes a significant risk, especially with a new partner.

So this act of love requires sensitivity on the part of the man - and that can be demonstrated in many ways: by looking into her eyes as you push your cock into her vagina; by asking if you may enter her (this can be a romantic and loving aspect of sex, but you probably won't want to do it every time!)

By taking her strongly with manly pride as her lover, when you know that's what she'll appreciate; by being sensitive to her needs at all times; and in many more ways as well, no doubt.

The key thing is to penetrate her with respect and appreciate the honor she is paying you by taking your penis into her body. Penetrate her sensitively and mindfully every time you do it!

Sex is not always so frenetic and urgent, and most of the time you'll want to take it more slowly and romantically.

Even when your sex is energetic, you'll want to be graceful and elegant during foreplay: so undress her carefully, like you're unwrapping a Christmas present from someone you care about.......unless, of course, you just rip the paper off like an excited child!

15 Undressing yourself like a man desperate for sex

Well, we all know that the prospect of pussy can make a man slightly less, shall we say, thoughtful than usual. No problem there. But don't forget how you might look to others as you hop around the bedroom in your socks and underwear, trying to pull off your jeans as they hang around your ankles. Hardly the mark of a graceful lover, or a promise of wonderful things to come, is it? (From her point of view, that is!)

16 Pushing at random in the general area of her vulva with your erect cock

Nothing seems to be as much of a turn-off for a woman (apart possibly from an unwashed penis with a cheesy foreskin) as a man who can't enter her gracefully.

It's not a problem if you occasionally have to ask her to guide you in! Indeed, if it's a straight choice between you blindly pushing your penis at her for five minutes before you finally find her vagina, or just asking her to lend a helping hand....well, think about it. Which would you choose if you were in her position?

17 Thrusting hard until you come without thought for her pleasure

From a woman's point of view, there's nothing worse than a guy who gets so carried away with his own success (in getting into her in the first place) that he just thrusts away until he comes, without so much as a thought for what she might want.

 Certainly, there will be times when she is just happy to see you take your pleasure in her body, and come with a powerful and massive ejaculation, but most of the time she's going to want to be in on the act in a more active way!

So start slowly, see how she reacts to your thrusts, and if she obviously wants more of it, then speed up and thrust harder - unless you're going to come too quickly, in which case you should learn how to control yourself.

What she wants is a man in bed, not a two pump chump! You should be able to thrust for long enough to please your partner, at least some of the time, even if that means fifteen minutes' thrusting before you ejaculate (possibly with a few breaks for rest).

18 Asking her to shave her pussy if she doesn't like to

Maybe she wants to shave it, maybe she doesn't. But even if you adore shaved pussy, going on about it in the face of her obvious objections is just immature and silly. Ask her nicely.

If she says "no", then learn to love the fluff. Or ask her to trim it a bit so you can see her beautiful vulva more clearly. If she shaves it bare but you like fur, that's a different problem altogether!

19 Thinking her body is at your disposal

A lot of guys, brought up on porn, think that a woman's body is at their disposal. It might be a shock to you, but if she doesn't want, let's say, to have doggy style sex with her ass in the air, that is her privilege.

You could always try telling her why you like it so much: "You turn me on like never before when I see your beautiful ass - it's so perfect! And your body's just so unbelievably beautiful, I want to see it from all angles...." Get the idea? (Tact and sensitivity win the day, in case you need to be told.)

20 Thrusting too hard in her vagina

This relates to what we said above, but it's worth making the point again. You need to be sensitive to her wishes, needs and desires as you have sex. If your penis is large (especially if it is long), or you thrust too hard in some sex positions, you might hit her cervix.

She may like this, or she may find it painful. You don't really want to find out which by doing it accidentally in a fit of lust.

21 Coming before she's got excited or begun to enjoy sex

Again, we said this above, but we need to mention it again so we can get to fifty mistakes men make during sex.

Seriously, if you insert your penis too soon or ejaculate too soon, she's not going to be very happy for very long. In fact, such selfishness will give her the perfect excuse to look somewhere else for a better lover.

22 Being unable to ejaculate and thrusting for hours without coming

If this applies to you, you hardly need telling this is a bit of a nightmare. Can we encourage you to see a sex therapist so you can have a normal sex life with your lover?

You'll still be able to thrust for ages without coming, which gives her a good chance of getting all the pleasure she wants from sex, while knowing that eventually you'll be ready to ejaculate and get pleasure yourself. That's much better for both of you than suffering the problems of retarded ejaculation, about which you know too much already.

23 Being unwilling to use a condom

Only a fool would refuse to use a condom these days. If you want to play sex roulette, where the prize is an infection with HIV or a nasty dripping disease, that's your affair. Don't inflict the same stuff on your partner.

Equally, this is one reason why women should be just as ready to get out the foil packet as men, so if you're a woman, and you like having sex with lots of men (or even one or two): get a supply of condoms, just in case your lover hasn't got any handy.

24 Asking her "How it was for you, dear?"

You might wonder what is wrong with asking your partner if she enjoyed sex. The answer is that (1) if you're a sensitive lover, you'll know anyway, and (2) if you're a confident lover, and you're any good at sex, you won't need to ask. If you really need feedback, then simply say, "Is there anything I can do that would please you more?"

25 Not going down on her

We know that more women want oral sex, and they want you to make them come with it!

But men, always ready to penetrate and thrust, and ejaculate for their own pleasure, sometimes overlook the need to make sure their partner has come when giving her oral sex.

She may want oral even if she's not asking for it - a lot of women are shy about requesting cunnilingus.

So make sure you don't miss out on this: ask her if she wants you to give her oral pleasure! (and plenty of it.) If you think she might be a little, well, less than fresh down there, then why not take a bath or shower together before sex?

26 Coming too quickly, rolling over, and going to sleep

Women need more pleasure and foreplay to get them to orgasm than men - and they aren't happy if they don't get it!

What's more, as a man, you may well lose interest in sex once you have ejaculated - but she isn't going to, especially if she's not reached orgasm through oral sex or masturbation before you spill your seed.

In other words, make sure she's happy and had at least one orgasm before you come - however you arrange this, it's the route to happiness. (Hint: give her oral sex till she comes, then have sex with her, ejaculate, roll over and go to sleep....err....or, rather, cuddle her and tell her you love her - if you do - and then roll over and go to sleep.)

27 There are certain things you never do when you get oral sex from her

And prime among them is trying to force her head towards your erection as a little hint that she should give you oral sex. After all, if you want her to give you head, why not just ask her for it?

And when she's doing it, if you'd; like her to do something different, tell her, don't just resort to the kind of crass movements seen in porn films. Especially, the one that involves trying to force her head towards your penis.

28 Trying to force your penis down her throat

OK, you may have seen Debbie does Dallas and Deep Throat, but the woman in your bed is your life partner and lover, for God's sake, not a porn star! So be courteous and don't expect her to deep throat you. Not unless she knows how to do it.....there are some websites which explain it.....not this one, as yet, so you'll have to go and search on Google.

29 Coming in her mouth without discussing this first

You really have to get this one sorted out, for both your sakes. Semen can taste unpleasant, so she may know she doesn't want it in her mouth. If she's willing to try taking your load, then prepare yourself by eating pineapple (they say it makes spunk taste nicer. I think this might be true.)

Do not ask her to swallow after you've eaten curry, beer or asparagus - she'll probably never go near your cock again. How the flavor of these things gets in there baffles me, but there you are.

If you don't know how to open a discussion on the "spit or swallow" issue, simply ask her: "I'd see it as an act of love if you would take my semen in your mouth when I ejaculate. Is that something you could do for me?"

30 Thinking that a porn film should be a model of sexual behavior for men (or women)

Porn is one of the most negative sexual influences there is - both for men and women. In all but the rare example of consensual porn it involves exploitation and brutalization; unfortunately it also happens to serve as a model of sexual behavior for many young men.

What you see in those films is in no way like real life, so don't behave like a porn star and don't treat your partner like one either.

31 Watching porn in a woman's presence without asking her if it's OK

Most of the porn on the market is pretty abusive to women; it seems to represent an expression of men's anger towards women.

And if you watch the women, their suppressed rage is not hard to see. What this means is that women do not generally find hard core porn arousing.

I'd qualify that statement by adding that some porn can be exciting for both sexes, but it obviously has to be consensual and equal. I'm not talking about the sex education market here: that's obviously a different matter.

32 Getting offended when she doesn't want to watch porn

Come on, you're more mature than that, surely?

33 Saying sorry about the size of your penis (not that she cares about it)

The fact is that most women want a sensitive lover, not one with a big penis.

And because sex is often so much more of a whole body and mind experience for a woman than it is for a man, remember that as long as you can make her aroused, give her pleasure (which means make her come if she wants you to - oral sex is good for that), and show some sensitivity to her needs, then she isn't even going to care about the size of your penis.

Not unless she's a heartless bitch, or a size queen, in which case you're definitely better off without her anyway.

And just in case you ever feel inclined to apologize for not sizing up to the guys in the porno movies, remember that she'll be too worried about the size of her breasts and belly to care about your cock!

34 Making comparisons with your last lover

Don't ever talk about your last lover's ability in bed in a way that might suggest a comparison. How would you feel if the situations were reversed? And that also goes for making comparisons about other lovers' willingness to try new positions or new sexual adventures.

If that's what you want with your current lover, just ask, simply and directly, OK? (And, by the way, your current lover is the most desirable lover, the most attractive, and definitely the best in bed you ever had.)

35 Asking for a threesome

Well, threesomes can be exciting, but they often don't leave things the way they were before. You may find once the excitement has died down, there's a legacy of jealousy, bitterness and resentment, so treat the subject carefully if this is really what you want to do.

You need to work out how she feels about the idea before you start launching into the subject. "Have you ever thought about trying three in a bed? " might be a good way to start a conversation.

36 Expecting her to do all the work

Sex tends to flow between two partners, with one taking charge one day and the other the next. It's not a bad idea to make it work like this each time you have sex - especially if you're changing sex positions.

As you swap, there may be a natural leader: the woman on top position, for example, gives her the chance to be dominant. Whatever you do, don't make her do all the work.

There will be times when she wants to take the lead, and that's fine, but for you to just lie back and think of England while she rides you is asking for a bit of trouble....on the other hand, if she's already had a massive orgasm through your prolonged efforts at cunnilingus, then it might just be OK to relax for once.

37 Trying to slip your cock in her "back door"

A lot of men like the idea - a lot of women don't. If this applies to you and your partner you'll have to discuss it. It's no use just trying to slip it in there by accident. (It won't go in unless she's co-operating.) Anal sex advice.

38 Photographing or videotaping your sex

Well, one survey showed that the most common way a jilted man gets back at his partner is by putting the recording she rashly agreed he could make of them having sex on the internet. It's a bad idea; don't do it.

39 Using the "same old, same old" sex positions every time you make love

Variety makes sex more interesting - that's a fact. And there's no reason why you shouldn't try lots of positions, even if you rely on a few basic ones for 90% of your sex lives.

After all, different positions give you different sensations, some more or less pleasurable: you will get a different experience from even simple changes to the way you have sex.

Try the reverse missionary, for example, with the woman lying on top of the man, and see how different that is to the conventional man on top - or the reverse cowgirl, if his penis will bend down far enough, compared to woman on top facing the man.

40 Not bringing romance into your sex life

Women love romance. Men put up with it, or do it to get sex. True or false? Probably true, but the romantic "chase" is deeply rewarding for most men (i.e. seducing and winning a woman makes us feel deeply fulfilled), and romance is an essential part of that process. If you're able to continue being romantic once you're an established couple, then you set yourself head and shoulders above the rest of your fellow men, and you stand that much greater chance of getting regular, passionate sex.

41 Slapping her buttocks without asking if she likes it

Slapping and hair-pulling can be fun, and certainly if she likes rear entry sex, you can add spice to the mixture by grabbing her hair and slapping her ass as you thrust into her vagina.....but do check if she likes this before you plant a slap across her bum cheeks.

42 Not being relaxed during sex

By which I mean, being uptight about what's going on rather than relaxing and making it fun for both of you - sex should certainly be fun, and it should also be easy for you both to communicate what you're feeling.

So don't get wrapped up in worrying about getting it exactly right in every position you try, just see how it goes, laugh if it goes wrong, and try something else.

43 Playing with her anus without asking if she likes it

If you're playing with her clitoris, and you have one finger inside her, you will probably find that a little anal play adds a great deal to her enjoyment - it's a sensitive area full of erotic nerve endings.

So, if you get the position right for sex, you can use the end of your little finger to play with her anus as your forefinger stimulates the inside of her vagina on her G-spot. This can be enough to bring her over into orgasm.

44 Deafening her when you come

If you're making love in the man on top position, and you're a guy who shouts a lot when he ejaculates, you may well find that you shout in her ear. Just be a bit careful, and if you like to let the world know when you come, then give her a pair of ear plugs.

45 Talking dirty without checking if she likes it

Always remember: when in the man on top position, a gentleman always takes his weight on his arms. Or elbows, or knees, or something.

47 Ejaculating on her without checking first

By which I mean, it's nice to check this out with her before you do it. She might just object if you deposit a load of come unexpectedly on some corner of her body. While it can be exciting for you, for her it might just be another load of laundry.

48 Not controlling your ejaculation

Learn hot to control when you come. It's the mark of an immature lover to ejaculate way before she's satisfied. That's true even if you don't really care about coming soon after you penetrate her - which a lot of men don't.

49 Dropping the condom on the floor & not cleaning up after you come

Dispose of your condoms nicely, boys, put them in the waste bin rather than down the toilet; have tissues and towel handy if you aren't using a condom.

If you feel like being a good guy, and perhaps even if you don't, offer her a warm towel to clean herself when you've parted.

Unless she wants to lie in a wet patch, leaking your semen all night (what a lovely gesture on her part if she does, though.....it happened to me once and I was greatly touched by the idea that my spunk was something she was happy to keep in her rather than mop up straight away like it was messy or dirty.

The same may be true of you, though: do you rush off to wash straight after sex, and if so, what message does it send her about how much you like her vaginal fluids?

50 Not spending some time with her in your arms after sex

For her, the post sex glow can be a special time when she feels very close and connected to you - so try and respect that.

She will also take much longer to come down from sex than you will, and she will also want to know she's loved and adored by the man to whom she has just given herself. So spend a while cuddling her after making love, especially if you're not sleeping together.